Trever and I close escrow tomorrow. I forgot how stressful it can be buying a house. All the loan documents and paperwork is nightmarish for both Trever and my personalities. Then of course the moving bit has its own unsettling effect. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and did yoga in my kitchen, which is the only open space in my house, just to ease some tension of living in the aftermath of an explosion of things! We have too many things. I ended up waking up this morning and cleaning my house, which felt like wiping a bit of mud off a pig. I pushed boxes into corners and made my kitchen and bedroom the safe zones. I mopped the floors and cleaned the bathrooms, all of which had cycled out of control once the first frame came off the wall, and then I took a nap.
I need naps recently. I missed the tired portion of first trimester pregnancy and so I felt like I bypassed the fatigue and pregnancy wouldn’t get me down. I know all the mothers are internally patronizing me for my adorable ignorance, because of course I now feel like I returned from another time zone only yesterday and just cannot beat this jet lag. I’ll be in a meeting around 3:00 and could literally close my eyes mid sentence and likely fall quickly asleep. I have to avoid people with calming and slow voices during that part of my day.
This fatigue however, could also be due to our current diet. We went to Trader Joes this weekend and bought a bunch of frozen no cook meals for the week in anticipation of the chaos and a boxed up kitchen. On Monday night I heard the beep of my microwave, peeled back the plastic cover from a plastic plate full of Veggie Korma and placed it in front of Trever. My granola self looked upon what I had become that night and shamed me for my decisions. Trever on the other hand was rather happy, like so happy that he told me I was going to have a hard time convincing him to go back to eating the way we normally do. He's noted that lucky for us these frozen sodium packets are low in calories which is an added benefit to death by preservatives. You see, it might be important to know Trever is kind of ironic by nature. I was talking to my friend Kayla about this, how right in the center of all his good taste, fashion industry work, fine art degree and general hipness, he’s still from Hemet and would honestly prefer Del Taco and PBR to a client meeting at Nobu. Truth is though, this is actually one of my favorite things about him, shitty towns make good people, sucks the life right out of any pretentiousness.
So, I ate my sodium rich indian food and was grateful in the middle of the craziest season of life we’ve had to date. Houses are just houses and in the midst of chaos we kind of have to laugh at all that’s happening. I clutch my round belly in gratitude for a tiny life that has already changed me in ways I could never have understood before. I pray for her incessantly and can’t wait to make her a home that’s simply walls and a garden but really a place that she’ll feel loved.
I know she already is so loved. My friends and family have been so kind and gracious and grieved and celebrated with us like she was their own. And to all of you who have been following along with me, I wanted to say thank you for your love. The grace with which you have responded to me, my writing, and my family has overwhelmed me. Your continual offerings of encouragement and prayer has been an honest source of support for Trever and I. It’s been a difficult season and yet there has been comfort knowing the amount of people who have been crying over, praying for and celebrating Colette. It’s humbling to be the recipient of your love. So thank you, with all of my heart, thank you.
And that's a wrap, off to the boxes again.