Newborn Fibs


I am so out of shape that I needed to join a gym with classes.  I can’t be trusted to whip myself into shape. I’m so far gone that the prospect of the sensation of burning lungs and aching legs, returning again to the former strength and joy of running, is so far gone I get overwhelmed and quit. It hurts. Never mind, I don’t care about health that much. I’ll invest in one pieces for this summer.  I have a baby, shouldn’t I just go home and take a nap? Yes. - Says my mind.

So I went to Orange Theory. It’s running, rowing and weight training. The whole time you’re monitored by a heart monitor so you can gage your goals more accurately.  I was ready for it and feeling upbeat.  While signing in I was sure to mention I have a 10 month old, which didn’t sound as impressive as I wanted it to.  I feel like I just jumped out of my delivery bed and into the gym, or my knees feel that way anyways. But it’s been almost a year and to an outsider that’s a long time.  She congratulated me and signed me in. 

I got in the room and the trainer was doing a little overview of how the class works for the newbies.  “Sounds good” I said, “I have a six month old so we’ll see how well I do, haha.” It felt better that time.  More congratulations and permission to take is slow. Take it slow, that’s what I wanted to hear, and of course what my ego ignored. I started my run at a pace I would have run when I was in shape. Two years ago. Well before I got pregnant with my 4 month old.

We had to do three cycles of chaos and movements right out of the gate my lungs were screaming at me to slow it down.  Two cycles in and I felt like puking. I didn’t vaguely feel like puking, I had to run to the bathroom for fear I might spew my morning coffee on my treadmill.  I must have looked ghostly when I came back because the trainer asked if I threw up.  “Oh no, I’m good,”  I said with a perky smile, “loving this class by the way”.

I finished without puking but spent a good portion of the weight training bent over my bench willing my vision to return.  Lucky for us our monitors recorded the whole thing.  As it turns out I got five splat point. FIVE! Which has something to do with heart rate and red zone and working hard and burning calories. I’m not quite sure, but everyone else had between 15 and 30. The trainer said I must have an efficient heart, which we both knew wasn't true.  So essentially my low splat points meant I didn’t work that hard.  “Oh man,” I joked to the fellow new comers, “I guess I’m more out of shape than I thought.” This was my moment to fit it in. “I just had a baby a couple months ago so I’m a little out shape I guess.”  The congratulations ensued, I smiled like a champion. It’s incredible how lying to yourself and others can actually make you feel better about yourself.  Way to go Brooke, you’ve got a newborn and you’re here.  Keep it up!